justin caffier
@JustinCaffier
ok writing @Vice @vulture @theintercept & beyond
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Do you really love Christmas if you haven’t pretended to murder Santa or an elf and then done a sloppy job hiding their corpse in your car trunk?
There was a time...
“Minoxodil and finasteride from hims.” me explaining to Die Antwoord that my dad drove me over more as an excuse to listen to his favorite singer in peace
Watching the Ken Burns American Revolution doc and it’s so funny to see the Mount Vernon Trust or whatever run an ad right before the episode is all “if nothing else, historians agree: George Washington loved owning slaves.”
I genuinely love that companies don’t seem to understand that putting AI in a commercial instantly disqualifies them for a non-insignificant and growing segment of the population. Please keep bleeding yourselves out!
Carol reached unprecedented levels of Treatler in the most ironic way possible on the new Pluribus and there are still people out there acting like she’s the only sane human left. The American mind is terminally ill and I love that Apple is paying $15 mil an ep to teach us this.
The only and funniest time to use “smells like broke in here” is when billionaires have a meltdown about the prospect of meager tax hikes.
Lmao
America needs you! Join U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement today.
honestly i was skeptical but they did a good job w the website hotgirlsforcuomo.com
I’m officially launching “Hot Girls for Cuomo” If you’re a hot girl for Cuomo, I want to hear from you!!
Take away the flag pin, and this is just a sweet pic of someone walking to the altar on her wedding day.
People do not know how to drive when it rains in LA so, if you must get behind the wheel, please stay safe and alert today. Wordle and Connections are still fine, but you should really save Strands, Spelling Bee, and Pips for the stoplights.
About to really start enjoying the movie: “Wait a minute. What’s the hymen sitch?”
Tilly Norwood doesn’t need a hairstylist, has no regrettable tweets, and if you wish to see a virgin on-screen, this is one of your better chances. That’s because she’s AI, writes Tyler Cowen. thefp.com/p/my-favorite-…
Do not drink and drive. But if you do and get pulled over, record yourself doing Benecio’s bit from OBAA and the internet will probably cover the fine.
Guy who went to the Zohran scavenger hunt just to try and pull: “We don’t need to take the bus for every single one of these, right? No, no, I mean they’re great. I took 3 to get here. Look, I didn’t wanna bring this up, but Cuomo killed my grandma…”
“photo ID” is short for “Irrefutable photographic evidence of the IDF committing war crimes”
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