Kepler-452b Updates
@Kepler_Updates
Live updates for Kepler-452b, the best terrestrial planet ever. Dms are open, will make sure to mention you.
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🚨Patch note 1.00.92🚨 -Glass is now shatterproof -Increased hoverboard safety by 300% + New dedicated roads for them -Increased number of NPCs by 20.000.000 -Technical changes & minor bug fixes -New resouce pack DLC lets you apply recource packs now in the shop for 79.99$
🚨Patch note 1.00.91🚨 -Trees can't grow upside down anymore -Birds can now sing Heavy Metal -Telling terrible Dad jokes decreases luck by 0.5% for the rest of the day (stackable) -Increased spawn rate of spiders during Solar Eclipses -Dads no longer despawn when buying milk
🚨Patch note 1.00.9🚨 -Gravity settings tweaked to make moonwalking easier for everyone -Added new element 'Syltane' (Sy) to the periodic table, and it's a key ingredient in the making of snacks -New Berribon is a fruit that tastes like a strawberries and marshmallows
🚨Patch note 1.00.8🚨 -New color DLC was added to see more colors -You can't create gold by heating up glass with boiling oil anymore -Armour made slightly more comfortable -Kepler won the battle against homelessness
🚨Patch note 1.00.7🚨 -Guns made more solid with improved stability and range -Pork nerf: tastes 60% worse and passes disease much more effectively -Sneakers are 7% more comfortable -Deodorant now actually lasts 48 hours
🚨Patch note 1.00.6🚨 -New ambient sounds added to the Aether, Floating Islands and Lumberjack's forest biomes + Adding the Dark Forest from Puss in Boots -Reworked marble and granite textures -Launch of building Portal n°1 in Ohio, it'll take the shape of a large fridge
🚨Patch note 1.00.5🚨 -The word "soccer" is banned, football is football eggball is eggball -doorframes made 3cm (1.2in) taller -Ostrich buff: now lay 5-6 eggs a week up from 1-2 a week, its meat is more accessible & cheaper -Banana peal made more slippy, just like in cartoons
Removal of first graders shows the failure of the earth's poor educational systems, Kepler-452b would never do that
🚨Patch note 1.00.4🚨 -Eating Lasagna makes animals talk for 2 hours -Flowers update: new Piervils added, these appear on clouds when wind speed exceed 35mph -Chocolate bars now have one extra row but are 15% more expensive -Minor gun rework, first of many to come
🚨Patch note 1.00.3🚨 -Parrot overhaul: made 32% bigger, can memorize 8 more words and react aggressively to kisses + more skins added -Apples no longer fall from trees -Every child gets a free Lego set for their 5th birthday -Doors less likely to make any noises after 2:43am
🚨Patch note 1.00.2🚨 -Nails now stick tighter to your fingers to stop thin and pointy stuff from getting inside of them -Dragons will now evolve to become smaller and will be pettable in about 166~347 years -Fixed a bug where ducks spawn randomly on round tables
🚨Patch note 1.00.1🚨 -Major Ketchup nerf: tastes 70% worse + will rot 4 times as fast -Hamsters get an extra year of life, other mice and rats are deducted one year instead -þ to be reinstated as a letter
🚨Patch note 1.00.0🚨 -The French aren't allowed access into the planet. -@Player347bis has been offered a Kepler citizenship, waiting for his acceptance. -Cats now have a 0.007% chance of having a pokachu tail, this can't be be passed down by genetics.
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