Life Dev Notes
@LifeDevNotes
Updates, Patches, and Hot Fix notes for Life. Parody.
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We are still working on fixing the “sleep paralysis” bug, which causes controllers to disconnect.
- Difficulty level increased on all servers for 2023. - Double sun in Utah has been patched. - Number of NPCs at the gym are doubled for two months.
We apologize for the double sun in Utah. We will patch all of Utah soon.
Today, we celebrate the time when a Dev became a player. 🥺
How’s everyone enjoying the new winter event on US servers?
- Wyoming is currently unavailable due to maintenance. - Yeti spawn rate increased by 7%. - Bug that caused ships to disappear around Bermuda has been patched.
- Cher is not a vampire. We respawn her every year. Same with Morgan Freeman. - Winter Event in the Northeast U.S. server starting tomorrow. - Skipping adds +2 happiness for every 3 minutes
- Elves from the North Pole (but not Valinor) have speed increased by 26.1% for the next four days. - Special winter event in Texas PvP server tomorrow. - Temperatures on all servers increased by 0.0001%.
- TV Remotes despawn rate increased by 6.7%. - Yelling at the TV during sporting events will grant your team +0.6 agility. - Rock, Scissor, and Paper odds have been changed. Paper nerfed by 0.8%.
- Mothers have +2,000 dmg when using slippers (PvP). - Batteries in birds take 24% longer to recharge. - Uranus will be unavailable for a month due to maintenance.
- Patched the wall exploit on Platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station that allowed players to enter a different game. - Yeti spawn rate increased by 37% - We will not rename Pluto as a planet. That was a dev labeling error.
- Singing in a car causes the vehicle to increase speed by 4%. - 8.3% increase in probability of finding legendary loot while dumpster diving. - Tipping cows can spawn aliens.
- Music Devs have issued an apology for creating 70s disco music. - Hugs restore 7.3% more mana. - Icicles have been buffed to do 12.4% more damage.
- Patched the bug that causes “cars to come out of no where.” - Patched the bug that caused “infinite never-clean butt wipes” after taking a dump. We note that this only occurred 0.04% of the time.
- 100 years ago an angry dev nerfed British cuisine too much, and we haven't been able to fix it since.
- Nerfed thirst trap dances on TikTok by 12.3%. - Northern Hemisphere daylight will be reduced gradually by 23.1% - Increased typing efficiency by 20.2% for people who type with two fingers.
- Patched the bug that caused toddlers to spawn out of thin air on airplanes. - Buffed "knocking on wood" to prevent being jinxed.
- “Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice” bug has been patched and will no longer spawn an NPC. - Vampires are now visible in mirrors.
- Mariah Carey’s powers are fully charged now. - Please stop asking us to release Santa’s “naughty list” so that you can make friends.
- We are aware that all U.S. server’s weight scales are temporarily broken and showing higher numbers than usual. - Aggro when playing Christmas music now reduced by 98%.
We'd like to remind everyone this week that airports are not sanctified PvP zones.
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