Lost Garfield Episodes
@LostGarfields
Lost Garfield episode ideas recovered from a waste bin in Jim Davis’s sex dungeon
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Garfield says, “I’m dying.” “Is it blissful?” asks Odie. Garfield’s eyes glisten. “It's like a dream.” “I want to dream,” says Odie.
Garfield performs his favorite Ethel Cain song, singing, “To love me is to suffer me.” The audience is wondering when the song will end.
Lying in a puddle of some forgotten liquor, Odie thinks, “I hope I die today. Save me from another late night of red eyes.”
Garfield says, “Everything I've loved, I've loved it straight to death, Odie.”
Jon eagerly and happily opens the box he received from his friend John Doe
Garfield reopens the Jack the Ripper cold case because he needs to look busy
Garfield, ever the prankster, is going to blow Jon in his sleep
Jon is startled to walk in the kitchen and see Nermal’s mutilated corpse spread around the counters and drawers and cabinets
There is silence at the other end. She won’t speak to Jon. He has brought nothing but pain and misery to her life. “If you could see me now,” Jon groans into the phone, muttering without hope. “You’d catch me in the death spiral.”
“Well,” says Garfield, “I couldn’t possibly solve this mystery… can you?”
As it turns out, Garfield’s gluttony inspires Jon to carry out a series of horrific crimes based on the se7en deadly sins
It is the waning hours of World War IV, and down in Jon’s bunker, Odie has ingested the last of the liquid cyanide. He will not be taken alive for the crime of creating a better world for all white children and yellow dogs
Jon thinks, “If I wasn’t handcuffed I could grab that sweeet sweeet cop ass…”
“How's east?” asks Durl. “East?” Nurl repeats, frowning. “Yeah we've been going south all this time. How's east?” Nurl thinks. “Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the East. Which one was bad?” “Wicked Witch of the West was the bad one,” says Durl. “Then we should go east.”
Garfield watches one of the VHS tapes Jon keeps in his secret closet with the sign that reads “KEEP OUT!!!”
Garfield explains how under a Kamala Harris presidency scenes like this (an incarcerated homeless pedophile illegal immigrant receiving a taxpayer sponsored gender reassignment surgery) will not only become commonplace but will become mandatory for you and your family
Jizz is about to rain down on London. But the question remains: whose jizz?
Garfield intervenes before Jon can regale the viewing audience with sick fantasy stories about turning women into zombie slaves for his twisted carnal urges
Jon explains that during the making of The Exorcist, despite portraying the aging Father Merrin, Max von Sydow was only 43. Garfield and Odie just want to watch the movie, damn
Officer Hitlur lets Odie in on a little secret: Joe Biden hates Kamala Harris 😦
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