Tanner McCoolman
@McCoolmanComedy
I write tiny jokes in Vancouver
You might like
New sex move: the salmon. It's where you jerk off onto some rocks and then kill yourself
The term "manic depression" was a real missed opportunity. It could've been called "depressomania"
Remember all those celebrities that died at the beginning of 2016? It must've been real nice to go out before shit really hit the fan
I still can't picture what Luke Perry looked like. I just keep thinking Luke Wilson crossed with Matthew Perry
Wyatt is such a white name you can't even yell Wyatt Pride in a crowded public space without upsetting people
Last night I saw a professional reviewer perform stand-up for the first time. It went way better than any comedians giving out hot takes on Sticks and Stones this week.
It's often said you can't be racist to white people, but it still feels kinda like prejudice when I'm the only one in the whole place that gets given a fork. It's like wtf dude, this is a laundromat, why do you even have those?
Facebook is down so I tried to find something to do instead, like go on faceb...fuck
If you name your cats after food, you have a plan for the apocalypse
It's a good thing veterans are trained with all the skills they'll need for living outdoors when they're homeless
There's someone out there wearing Stan Smiths while drinking an Arnold Palmer who has no idea who either of those people are
There's a guy on the bus with 2 Safeway baskets full of groceries asking if he can step on a woman's foot. He's also trying to shove the baskets under people's seats on opposite ends of the bus. There's no joke here, I just want to preserve this story for future use
Sometimes while sitting I think my ass crack is showing when it isn't. There's a phantom breeze, not unlike how I imagine phantom limb syndrome feels
Bestiality: being attracted to your best friends. Especially if your best friends are all horses
Smores are the worst implementation of the smores flavor. The chocolate doesn't melt, the crackers don't toast, and the marshmallow gets everywhere. #NationalSmoresDay
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