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I’m funding a private coffee plantation in the eastern forest of Columbia just to support my caffeine levels to deal with this fucking job. #caffuporshutup
Don’t pretend that you don’t have a favorite chair at work. It’s weird when you don’t. #DONTTOUCHIT
3 am conversations Me: “Do you think if I asked McDonald’s to take the skin off of the chicken nuggets for me that they would?” The other 9 people in the room: ............. Me: ........”I’m gonna ask” #nakednuggets
How to disassociate yourself from dispatching *at the grocery store* Cashier: “would you like your receipt”? Me: “Aaaaaaaaafirm” Cashier: ......... Me: “14:56” #why
Even google translate couldn’t Di Vinci code crack that jumble fuck of a radio transmission. #what?
How to treat that 12 hour shift topically: Aggressively wipe entire body down in lemon scented Lysol wipes; Consume an entire bottle of purell advanced. #stillnotclean #wrongkindofdirty
Doctor’s orders for today; Don’t dwell on the last 17 hours 46 minutes and 16 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back from work. Look forward to all the alcohol in the near future. #thickblueline #Icanstillwalkstraightatpoint08
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