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One thing I will never do: eat food that has grazed another creature’s neck
If Lady Gaga actually defends the Bill of Meese, I will finally forgive the great Elk invasion of 1542. Maybe
The plot is always thicker than you think. Just like my wife Moosalina's beet stew #mooseproblems
A moose and a goose on the loose met a truce, under a spruce, then they fucked
When's Halloween again? I'm ready to chomp some goddamn 3 Moosketeers
Moose edit: You're life flashes before your eyes when you die - should be - your life flashes before your eyes, and then you die
What's up with moose tinder tonight? I'm seeing antlers every third swipe #mooseproblems
You can lead a horse to water, but I would prefer if you kept him away from my above-ground-pool
Paul sees me, calls over Doug, who tells tourists my necklace is a tracking collar. Doug must be from the #lower48
If you give a moose a cookie, you also give him gas #mooseproblems
Horse racing is great and all, but moose racing would be far more fun to watch. The jockey's could ride on my antlers. #KentuckyDerby
Favorite if you like plump butts. Retweet if you like nicely shaped hooves. #MooseDebate2016
You know those trees that smell like semen? It's not the trees. #moosexparty #moorgy
Oooh, it's just me, mooself, and I, Solo hide until I die, Cause I, got flees for life. #memyself&I
Anyone know a good antler augmentation surgeon? #askingforafriend
No, I don't want no shrub, a shrub is a plant that can't get no seed dispersal from me. #noshrub
“@newsutah: Salt Lake Tribune - Woman hits moose on darkened I-80 near East Canyon ow.ly/3bqAm9” RIP Bruce
Having to lift my knees high in a marching motion to get through the snow makes me mad. #MarchMadness
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