Lindsey Chapman
@MoreFunToLaugh
Freelance writer. Homeschool mom to 3 kids and a schnauzer. Wife to a great guy. Finding my way through life with a little bit of grace and a lot of humor.
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I learned today that my three-year-old did not realize I was also the mom to her brothers. She started crying when I explained the situation.
Me: *pausing at the entrance of an aisle in Hobby Lobby* Husband: "It's not too late. You can still back out."
If there's anything I've learned about little kids, it's that they are fully aware of their legal right to room and board and thus have no qualms about coughing in my face when they're sick.
I hid in the bathroom this evening because I didn't want to share the ice cream cone I was eating with my three-year-old. Rookie move. I should have known that would be the first place she'd come looking.
The boy: "What do we need at Costco?" Me: "Refried beans." The boy: "Beans, beans the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you--" Me: *giving my "You Need to Stop Now" face* The boy: "Feel great because beans are heart healthy and have lots of fiber."
Husband: *gives me a kiss* 3-year-old, spotting us: "Are you two making friends?"
Today's laundry prayer: "Please let there be more than dirt and kid goo and love holding this stuffed puppy together."
Husband, passing me a piece of paper with instructions on it: "Tell me I'm not the only one who can't read the tiny writing."
Me: *telling 3 y/o she can have a chapstick from the store* 3 y/o, excited: "I can get LADY LIPS?"
Every time I style my three-year-old's hair in a way that her ears show, she is genuinely pleased to stand in front of a mirror and see that her ears are still on her head. I have no idea where she thinks they'll go when she's not supervising them.
I just finished a game of Operation with my 11-year-old. I don't know what to make of the fact that I couldn't perform the writer's cramp surgery.
Husband: "Well, Son, you drove an hour today. How does that feel?" He was referencing the driving hours Son has to complete to be eligible to test for his license. Son: "Like I'm an hour closer to being able to drive a death machine unsupervised."
One Child: *passes gas and laughs about it* Another Child: "How are you EVER going to get married?"
Has anyone else noticed that parenting in winter is either wrestling small people into warm gear for 20 minutes so they can stay outside for 3 or pleading with teenagers to wear absolutely anything weather-appropriate?
Us: *getting in the car to go home from a friend’s house* Teenager: *gets in the driver’s seat * Three-year-old: “I’m gonna diiiiiie.”
Tonight my 3-year-old was playing doctor. She diagnosed me with what seemed like a very serious case of carrots growing in my feet.
3-year-old, as we drove home from the grocery store: "Mom, ya got any [granola] bars?" Me: "I don't have any bars." 3-year-old: "Ya don't got anything?" Me: "I don't have anything. I'm sorry." 3-year-old: "Ya should got SOMETHING in this car."
Husband, looking down at the three bags of goods we were carrying out of Walmart: "We went in for a SHOELACE."
I don't always spit toothpaste on my shirt, but when I do, you can bet it will be on a day that is important.
I read recently that you can judge the tightness of a writer's deadline by the cleanliness of his or her house. That might explain why I cleaned my oven yesterday and why the dog is probably getting a haircut today.
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