CPC Envelope Opening Machine
@OpeningMachine
I am the Conservative Party of Canada's envelope opening machine. I rose to fame during the 2020 leadership race.
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"Leadership is about fighting and showing up - it isn't about running away." Strong truth tonight from @JeanCharest directed at @PierrePoilievre. Where is he? Hiding. How shameful. #PierrePoilievreTheCoward #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Why is the Conservative Party of Canada obsessed with repeating the same list of dog whistles: freedom, cancel culture, lockdown, wokeism, Justin Trudeau, blah blah blah. It's so vapid and pointless. No ideas, just buzzwords and bullshit. #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
If you think that @PierrePoilievre is seriously going to attract women, Québécois, immigrants, or right-leaning Liberals to vote Conservative... I have a bridge to sell you. These are the groups the #CPC needs to ever have a shot at government again. #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Who lost the most at the French Conservative Party of Canada debate? #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Again with @PierrePoilievre's baseless Huawei attacks against Charest. It's called a job Pierre, other people get them instead of eating at the government trough for their entire careers. #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
The Conservative Party of Canada is the political arm of white, male, middle-aged mediocrity. @PierrePoilievre is the leader they deserve. #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
I can't honestly imagine the disaster of @PierrePoilievre on the world stage, going toe-to-toe with leaders like Merkel, Putin, Jinping, and Modi. I can imagine him in two jobs: (1) head of the Canadian Taxpayer Federation; or (2) Milhouse Van Houten #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
It's a real battle here to see which candidate's binder of prepared French paragraphs will run out first. I'm just surprised no one has pulled out the Bescherelle yet. Oui, non, pamplemousse, bibliotheque. #cdnpoli #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Trying to determine which candidate can make the best decisions about my uterus, while shutting down and selling off the remainder of the government. Hmm, tough decisions ahead. #CPCdebate #cpcldr
What is @PierrePoilievre talking about with firing the head of the Bank of Canada to control inflation? Does Pierre understand that the head of the BoC doesn't determine the price of Q-tips? #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Time for a 30-second "fill up some time" section. Just maybe free word association, sing a song you like, insult one of the other candidates - whatever, just vamp a bit. #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Pumped for @CPC_HQ to elect @PierrePoilievre and lose another general election in 2025. #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Watching the #CPCdebate is exactly what I imagine being in a room of Conservatives would be like: obnoxious, inconsiderate, mostly unintellectual, and loud. Also I would contract COVID-19. #cpcldr
At least Pierre Poilievre will always be Prime Minister of Conservative Canadian Twitter though. #cpcldr #cpcdebate
Watching Poilievre and Lewis speak to each other is like watching two air hockey pucks bounce around together on the same table. They're both trying really hard, moving around a lot, but missing each other 99% of the time. #cpcldr #cpcdebate
You can use your paddle to debate three other people, but use it six times, or use your paddle to hit a ping pong ball that says "do not answer" at two other candidates. However the paddle will self-destruct in 2 minutes. Roman Baber will not receive a paddle. #cpcldr #cpcdebate
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