Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind. The diagnosis came out of the purple.
I removed a foreign body today and the patient was so thrilled to experience instant relief. I’ll be going by “Hero” for the rest of the week. #doctorhero #wearsafetyglasses
Can we just talk about how much ophthalmology doesn’t trust/hates us?
To my patients coming in from working with farm animals: Please consider changing out of your shit-covered work boots before your appointment. If you insist on wearing these boots, do NOT brush them up against my pants and shoes during SLE
Optometry boards committee: so I think for their sanity we should break their board exams up into three parts Me: yes sounds great less stress Them: also let’s charge them $800 per exam Me: you know im literally living off of student loans, right?
I know we're all lifelong learners, but omg have you guys tried not learning something? It feels fucking amazing.
So... what am I supposed to do with all this free time now that boards are over? I don’t remember the last time I didn’t have homework or studying to do. Oh, wait.... now I have to find a job...
Don't cry because it's over, smile because we fixed your nasolacrimal duct obstruction
*Glc pt returning for first time since 2015* -Me: We haven’t seen you since 2015, have you been getting your drops elsewhere? -Pt: I’m not using any drops, they didn’t feel good. -Me: When was the last time you used your drops? Pt: 2015 🤦🏻♀️ #HopeYouDidntNeedYourSideVision
Patient entering for routine exam with no visual complaints: *Me: Cover your left eye and tell me the lowest line you can read *Pt: *20/40* *Me: Cover your right eye and read the lowest line you can Pt: Well that’s funny, I can’t see anything... #CRAO #CRAP
Patient getting his first eye exam in 20 years: *Me: Are you having any problems with your vision? *Pt: Nope, I see just fine *Me: Any double vision? *Pt: Well yeah, but you have two eyes so you’re supposed to see double when you get older *Me: 🤦🏻♀️
Instead of having the same conversation over and over again this Thanksgiving, I'll be handing out this conversation template.
During a VF: Pt: How am I supposed to see the lights if I don’t look at them? Me: This is testing your side vision, so I need you to stare straight ahead Pt: There is no such thing as side vision. This is bullshit *walks out of room* #ThisIsWhyIDrink
Anyone have one patient that irritated you so much that when you think about that patient later in the day you get pissed all over again?
When cornered, the optometrist startles predators by delivering a small puff of air to their eye.
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