Before the reward there must be labor. You plant before you harvest. You sow in tears before you reap joy. -Ralph Ransom
Doctor these pills you gave me for BO. . . What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from under my arms!
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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Little Brother: I'm going to buy a sea horse. Big Brother: Why? Little Brother: Because I want to play water polo!
What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips? Snacks that go crunch in the night.
We are creatures of our thinking. We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said What a treasure! and her father said Yes, let's go bury it.
Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked.
Q: What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything. A: Three Men And A Baby
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Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called Teacher who kept spoiling all our fun!
Monster: Stick 'em down. Ghost: Don't you mean, stick 'em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.
Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway
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What do witches eat at Halloween? Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!
What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money? Collect unemployment insurance!
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