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As a nation, let's call a spade a spade and make it official by changing the symbol from a bald eagle to Type 2 Diabetes.
You're not truly living unless you need to keep spare underwear in your pocket.
There's just something sexy about the way my gynecologist says, "You need a PROCK-TAH-LOW-JIST... put those forceps down... GET OUT! NURSE!"
I went to band camp when I was in high school and I never got laid.
I have an online dating profile that even my wife is interested in.
If you are female, please stop talking about "Love Actually" this time of year.
This bathroom attendant means this restaurant is really upscale or there's a pervy guy that won't quit talking to me while I shit.
Yes, Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned but that was only because Facebook wasn't invented yet.
I've never understood the term "braining someone" as it refers to hitting them in the head. Wouldn't be "de-braining someone"?
Deaf people without a speech impediment aren't fooling anyone.
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