Ppallo

If “in it to win it” seems a bit daunting may I offer “Joining the race, with the goal to place”? If even this is too much? There is still the cool “Current state, happy to participate” available. The “spoils” may go to the victor, but there are enough good rhymes to go around.

The surgeon who is doing my pre-op interview is wearing roller blades. Apparently they make her quicker in the hallways. I have asked whether she'll be wearing them in the operating room twice, but she just keeps saying "You'll be asleep."

It's fine to bring McDonald's as a wedding gift, but you really should make sure the bride and groom enjoy it before it gets cold. Three to four panicked phone calls will usually get you into the room where the bride is getting ready, so you can deliver it in person.

I married my first wife to gain access to her family guacamole recipe, I married my second for her connections in professional paragliding. The third I married for love, a silly exercise best forgotten. Then I remarried with my first wife (had lost the recipe).

tsa agent: if you have literature in translation, put it in a separate! bin! a startling portrait of innocence lost, put it in the bin! if it is, quite simply, beautiful, in the bin!

Dad I wasn't named after the 2022 Dwayne Johnson vehicle "Black Adam" was I? You wouldn't do that, mom wouldn't let you do that. Teth-Adam, my son, where is this coming from?

In a coup for credentialism and myself I have successfully made a NFL roster after convincing an accredited institution to give me a "super PhD" in football. So far I'm still unclear on the rules, and don't feel comfortable "hitting the showers" with the other fellas quite yet.

Costumed video game streamer "A24 Batman", who logged an average of 13 hours a day online last year, goes on tirade about how "no-one is just normal anymore".

I've been part of several mock trials, the sentences were real enough don't get me wrong, but everyone just decide to really roast me. Once the judge did a minutes long impression of me to huge laughs, my own lawyer was in stitches, before giving me 2 years for public urination.

In 2003 it was super progressive to interview men for secretary positions at your firm as well. Make them do the typing test, answer mock calls, swimsuit round, everything. And yeah standards change. But we were doing what was cutting edge then. We paid for the Speedos.

Whenever people who don't own a fancy wool coat tell me they get depressed in the winter I really want to tell them to get a fancy wool coat. But people don't want solutions, they want you to listen. So I tell them their feelings are valid and offer to buy them a burger.

Sending a follow-up text message of "morose?", to my unanswered message from two days ago "what's the vibe for the funeral?"

Hovering over the delete button on my 2023 post "My spine don't whine, proud member of God's never could be injured club!" as I try to wiggle my toes on the scene of the accident. The thing got 300 favs, so I'm not wiping it unless I have to.

I've skipped pickleball completely and am instead getting into a splinter sport started by former pros pushed out of the game by somewhat athletic people picking it up. You straight up are not eligible to play Beetrootcylinder if you haven't had at least two knee surgeries.

As far as I understand before they really "popped" as new technologies, the main and only visible function of the wheel, fire and the steam engine was also to make YouTube ads more explicitly pornographic. So that's not a reason to think it's not the next big thing.

we tried to contact you through your agent bu- "you stay away from my agent, you want to talk to my agent you come to me"

My wife told me to call the plumbers first thing this morning if we wanted to get one today. I left it after lunch and wasn't able to procure the services of a professional plumber, but did find a Christian numerologist on the street, so I brought him home. I always come through.

A team of researchers has come to the conclusion that I am not actually sentient, only capable of a high degree of rote memorization "like some parrots". They're very thrilled about it, I find it all very offensive, but only succeed in verbalising that about 70% of the time.

No one in my life is handing me anything anymore if I offer to "grip it and rip it", due to previous bad experiences. So now if someone has a cool object and I want to give it a good old go, I have to say "may I carefully touch, but not too much that". It's way less catchy.

I fear the picture of me joining the CEO in the exercise, when the company offered "no monetary raises, but 5 minutes for calf raises" may come back to haunt me. I don't know what to say, I'm easily influenced and keen to not skip leg day. I'm sorry.

Cousin Blake is doing well, has a nice fiancée, brought a salad that took into account everyone's dietary restrictions, still tarred by an ill-fated attempt at comedy six years ago, when at 16 he approached two aunts and a cousin after dinner by saying "how are my ratchet hoes?"