i invited a girl over to my place once. she stole one of my houseplants. never again
i'm just gonna throw all my food in the toilet from now on. you know, take out the middle man.
over time, the insult "two dollar whore" has become progressively more offensive.
to really understand electricity, you need to be an ohmosexual.
lesbians shouldn't be allowed to use dildos. they've made their choice.
the noblest of dogs is the hot dog. it feeds the hand that bites it.
the worst "i feel old" moment is when you realize the playmate of the month was born in a year you clearly remember.
i really need to work on my attention span. i went to grab something to eat... and i ended up shaving instead.
here's an idea for a band name: rage against the answering machine.
trying to find porn on the internet is like trying to find hay in a haystack.
my uncle once told me there are three rings of marriage. the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
9 out of 10 voices in my head tells me i'm insane. the 10th voice hums the tetris theme.
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