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@ProfoundProfane
The beatings will stop when morale improves! I am finding it difficult to use a keyboard while wearing this jacket. Go on...loosen the straps....I dare you!
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I hate car commercials with a budget. Nissan's ad suggests that, as bridge is falling apart, fuck everyone else if your driving their SUV
It's called a damn life jacket! Telling people to remember to wear a PFD makes them think that they should be putting on a prophylactic
There was a time when they discovered nude photographs before taking away a beauty pageant crown.
You think we are impressed with a polar dip this year when it has remained so warm this December? #Whateves
A bandage on your face did not grant you any sympathy...#SeppBlatter Feeling sorry for yourself during interviews ain't gonna work. #FIFA
Xmas came early this year: Pharma CEO Martin Shkreli Arrested on Charges of Securities Fraud
Imagine being a writer for a show about zombies with a script that includes words like " Graaaagmh!, Mrh and Brnhr" Sweet job.
Could I be on TV and claim to be an DIY expert with some glue and a pair of sticks?
I've wanted to transfer to another office before but I have made such a request without taking a box-cutter to myself #justsayin
"Back to the Future" sure as hell did not mention flaming hover-boards.
Arsenal, Chelsea and Man City find out who they play in the round of 16 of Champions League. Man United will....oh yeah..never mind.
Chipotle.is not trending at all thanks to an inordinate number of ways it can be misspelled. Very clever Chipotle...very clever indeed.
Top 3 news stories all week: 1. Terrorism 2. Donald Trump 3. Chipotle Damn, this this a real bad time for food poisoning
HR:Your cologne violates our workplace's no-scent policy Employee::It hides my body odor & the fact that I reek of booze. HR. Carry on
Anyone serious about combating ISIS should consider allowing Chipotle to expand into the middle east.
A hidden picture is reportedly found underneath the Mona Lisa with a shocking message"Peace out mutha fuckas -M.L"
I want to be lazy. I feel so drained, I want to stay in. And eat lots of carbs.
Wait a second...Did Kim and Kanye name their kid Saint? Can we launch them into the sun yet? Please?
Fantastic ...Prequels to the Hunger Games are now being proposed. Characters are anticipated to be complaining about feeling a tad peckish
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