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All this hype about about the green M&M I’m surprised the Super Bowl has the white one
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We apologize for the smell yesterday but we are not ashamed today
My dog recognizes the Starbucks logo on TV and whines because he thinks he’s getting a puppachino. What have I done
If the first orgy in space isn’t called the Big Bang we’ve failed as a species
“With every fiber of my being” means a lot more now that I eat a lot of fiber
Me: “when I call myself an asshole in my head it’s in an endearing way” Therapist: “No”
I often take my pup for drives and recently I started slowly driving past an area with tons of food carts. The moment he smells it I start getting hit in the face with a tail
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