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Colbert Quotes

@QuotesColbert

Bringing you quotes from the Colbert Report

Too many people to thank, so I'll just thank Mavis Staples Mavis, thank everybody tomorrow


Trebek: We'll be there for America. Colbert: Aren't you Canadian? Trebek: Dual ciitizenship since 1992. Colbert: Not the same


Alex Trebek: All of life's important answers must be in the form of a question


"Keep smiling through just like you always do. Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away"


"We'll meet again don't know where, don't when. But I know we'll meet again some sunny day"


"And here is the room where your brothers were born/Indentions in the sheets/Where their bodies once moved but don't move anymore"


"But now we must pick up every piece/Of the life we used to love/Just to keep ourselves/At least enough to carry on"


My bucket list turned into things that I wanted to eat out of a bucket


I feel kind of lonely, kind of snackless. I get why God did it this way


I've been sitting here for 2 minutes or 200 years. I can't tell anymore. I'm deathless


How do you get to the Prescott Prarmaceuticals HQ? Malpractice, malpractice, malpractice


I want to thank one special person and by person, I mean corporation


If I could do it all over again, man, I would do it the same


If all we did was come into your living room and make your day a little bit better, man what a waste


You're America Goddammit. You put MTV up there


None of that was me. That was the nation. I just got paid for it. (Mostly in Bud Light Lime). Thanks for that. (Friends with Benjamins)


Like Mary Poppins or Gandhi, I get them confused (Super-Cali-Fragi-Listi-Non-Violent-Resistance!)


I promised a revolution. And I delivered. Because one revolution is 360 degrees to where we were (Good, Left My Keys There)


Look at the NBA Championship. Both in 2005 and 2014, I had to look up who won (And What NBA Stands For)


People on TV are defending torture (And On FOX, Inflicting It)


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