Real Dad Life
@RealDadLife
My life as a dad... assisted by Emmy and Sam Jr.
. @YNB D: Rick, where's the truck? R: It's. Gone. Forever. Is that it in the lake? I. Never. Look. Back. Still could use ur mirrors tho
. @YNB Rick's people need driving lessons more than shooting lessons. Can they ever keep a vehicle? @WalkingDead_AMC #TalkingDead
Where's the hidden camera? Every time I opened Jr's door was a polar opposite mood. Sad*nap*happy*nap*sad*timeout*happy.
My wife accidentally taught our daughter the F word. I'm pretty much golden for the next month. #dadwin
E:"Daddy, Poop! Daddy chocolate milk!" Me:"Em, ur all over the place. What's the priority here?" "chocolate" "then?" "poop" #priorities
My wife accidentally taught the kids the F word. If I had, I'd never hear the end of it. #dadwin
The movie #Concussion could be filmed at my house as my 1yo son uses his face to break every fall
Xmas shopping, my 2yo drops a deuce in her pants at Best Buy. These are the realities you face. #Whenugottago #parenthood
Emily: Daddy! Me: I'm here! E: daddy, look *holds out hand* Me: what is... E: boogers! Me: thx honey, thx. *takes boogers #parenthood
LIVE on #Periscope: Pancakes w the the kids pscp.tv/w/aS7n-TFWR2p2…
My kids saw me eating #KraftDinner straight from pot with the wooden mixing spoon. You could say I'm preparing them for college.
Today I caught the kids trying to flush shoes down the toilet... Yikes
How do kids manage to break something and look adorable while they tell you it "just broke"? #lies
After several days w me while Mrs was on shift, apparently I "spoiled" them with my cooking and they won't eat wifeys food. #dadlife #kids
Working today; As much as I love them, it's a nice break to not be sticky and at the beck and call of 2' tall terrorists for a day.
I'm almost 40, married, 2 kids, and I'm waiting outside a store at midnight for a new ps4 game, for me. #lifegoalsachieved
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