Recent Graduate
@RecentGraduate
What makes me the perfect candidate for this job? Erm.....I....like....money?
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Statistics show that proof reading accuracy increases 100% after an applicant has hit send on a job application.
Writing a CV is like smashing your head against a brick wall, then having to put the brick manufacturer as a reference. #Graduates2016
Pick up my dog's shit when we go to the park - Waste Management Supervisor at Elmwood Park Ltd. from 2009 to 2015
Covering the graduation date on your student card with your thumb, so you can still get free McFlurries.
"I'm sorry sir you're overqualified for this job." "What if I shut my eyes and tie one hand behind my back, can I have it then?"
Once found a matching pair of socks in a draw full of odds - Excellent at problem solving.
Tell us why you're so passionate about the study of genes? It started when I was 14 and bought my first pair of Levi's, I never looked back
"What is your biggest regret and why?" "Eating a burrito ten minutes before this interview. I won't go into why."
How to translate 'responsible for the near blinding of my brother using a Mentos/ Coke powered rocket'? I worked as a test engineer for NASA
Dear recent graduate, Unfortunately your application for Ruler of the World has been unsuccessful. We suggest you contact the Kardashians.
Employer: Why should we hire you? Brain: DON'T SAY YOU NEED MONEY, DON'T SAY YOU NEED MONEY Me: I...need money? Brain: ... *slow clap*
Slapped the back of a mate while he was choking on a mcnugget - Proficient in first aid.
What do you mean the homeless man who steals post from your PO BOX doesn't count as a reference?
I'm a very friendly person. I recently became great friends with the spider who lives in the cobwebs under 'Previous Experience' in my CV
Tell us about your hobbies and interests? Sitting in 3 day old pj's eating the last remnants of a jar of chocolate spread #honestcv
Unemployment has taught me determination and resilience. But most importantly, I've learnt a potato peeler can double as a razor.
Where do I see myself in 10 years time? Licking the back of used postage stamps for sustenance, wearing a suit made of my rejected CV's
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