Retired Godzilla
@RetiredGodzilla
Retired Monster Just Winding Down after a long and fruitful career
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I'm enjoying the #ashes, I'm a big cricket lover. Trouble is, when I try & get into a stadium, everyone thinks it's the end of the world.
I've need to set the record straight on this - the decline of Chewits was nothing to do with my ads. They'd been stuffing them with asbestos
Have you ever googled yourself and discovered you're a metaphor for nuclear weapons? Heavy. #bluemonday
Looking back I had it all, I just couldn't enjoy it, always lost in rumination and regret. Wish I'd found @Get_Headspace sooner. #bluemonday
Late for work, emergency dentist app. Aggravated a dodgy root canal eating special toffee. I used to eat nuclear power. #bluemonday
Got an offer for a new @ListerineGlobal advert alongside @RealSirTomJones, but it feels a bit typecast, why do I never get any #Shakespeare?
Time to fess up. Crop circles - that was me. Stonehenge - me again. Jill Dando - yup.
Sneezed at Tesco today destroying aisle 5. They called it an act of God. I leant in - "you mean God-zilla". They ran off. #hayfeverproblems
View from the retirement home. Trying to enjoy the storm but Ethel's had Stilton soup and is letting out seepers.
Nigel next door is moaning about the heat. I said "This is nothing, try being born in a nuclear reactor". He just laughed, ignorant sod.
My biggest regret is not branching out into other roles before I got typecast. They offered me Arnie's role in Kindergarten Cop you know.
Guy next to me complaining about a fly in his soup. I said he should be glad it isn't a nuclear enhanced moth in his city. He moved tables.
Took the dog for a walk. Slight panic when I thought I saw Rodan, but it was just a seagull. Must pick up my contact lenses. #crisisaverted
My nephew Godzooky is coming an' all. I imagine he'll steal from me again. I promised his mum I'd look after him when she passed. #drugs
Family BBQ later. It's always the same when the grandkids are round. "Destroy a city grandpa". I just want to do the crossword in the shade.
My autobiography Godzilla - Past Present Future is set to be pulped today.Some copies left in B&M in Ashton -U- Lyne. #retiredgodzilla
ignore that last tweet. stupid bloody phones. I used to get grief for my tiny hands back in the day. #retiredgodzilla
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