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Never forget when I went to my local bar for a drink and hand the server my ID, she sees my last name and exclaims “oh your mom is here”…I’m like “no I don’t think so”. “Yes she is! Teresa right?”…I’m like “ma’am my mom is dead that is not my mom”. Most depressing beer ever
I’m sorry…is that a smoke detector chip in Wendy’s house? 😫🤣 @BravoTV #realhousewives #WifeSwapBravo
Choosing between pizza and building abs is so hard. The challenge of discipline hurts sometimes
MAKE SURE YOU SAY THANK YOU.
He fucking did it again
Currently monitoring the trick or treating situation at the White House to see if Trump puts candy on top of a minion's head again
just found out in order to be understood completely i have to reveal myself completely
You know what happened after the last No Kings protest? Nothing. You know what will happen after this one? Nothing. It’s just group therapy for losers.
“Something funny about being more openly Conservative now is that I’ll have Liberal friends reach out to me and be like, ‘I can’t be your friend anymore, I didn’t know we had such different opinions’. And it’s like, I knew, I knew we had such different opinions… and I can…
I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.
Me at work trying to be grateful that I have a job.
Was sick for a few days causing me to miss the gym and feeling strong. Felt so good getting back in there tonight, glad to have added that back to my routine
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