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Things native English speakers know, but don't know we know:
What's this #24HOP business? For me it's always #24HOSQLDumbass!
Felt lonely today and started reminiscing about my ex users: NOLOCK Nick, SELECT * Starr, sa Esse, Triggers Everywhere Tim, Ginger Nuts.
I love Fridays... doing some weird science with DMVs and sippin' some gin & juice. On dev servers, of course.
I don't know why your server crashed and there are no details. Perhaps that low price point for Linux just bit you in the ass?
If you're on a web meeting and not talking you should be muted. Also, HR frowns upon you broadcasting porn. #WebeXXX
I hate your kind :-) RT @SirSQL: I have a view that calls a view that calls a scalar function. I wrote it. I hate myself right about now.
Pro tip: If you're going to call yourself a BI manager, you may want to be able to answer a simple question like "what is BI?" #justsayin
Questions that scare me: "Is there a really easy way to connect to production and run queries?" If you have to ask...no.
I have zero sympathy if you wrote reports keying off system tables and haven't even bothered looking at DMVs before now #RTFM
Hey Oracle guy,asking when SQL Server will "upgrade" to running on Unix just makes you look like a bigger douche than you already are
I have a feeling I'm about to be told how to do my job incorrectly by someone who should not be within 50' of a SQL instance.
OH on conference call: So we need those thingy dingies on the fact table to identify stuff? #facepalm
Dev: "please restore the stored proc from yesterday". Me: "it's a 10TB database". Dev: "so, what's the issue?" Me: <facepalm>
wake up to find dev did a bckp of database, filled up C: drive, and then sent many emails to mgrs blaming our team for the outage #FML
Multi-terabyte databases running on server with 16GB of RAM? What could possibly go wrong? #doingitwrong
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