Santa Claus
@SantaFromMacys
Every year, I get your Letters from the Macy’s Believe Box...it’s easier for me to reply to you here. I’m getting up there in age.
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I get more dumb letters from selfish adults than I do from needy kids, I said what I said.
Ok everybody turkey time is over it’s christmas time in the hood. Cops get nothing this year.
But I guess you could @ me on here and I’ll consider working with you.
Did everyone remember to stop by Macy’s and write their christmas letters? Because if you didn’t YOU GET N O T H I N G
Dear Conor, buddy I know life can be hard, but you have a lot to live for. @realDonaldTrump can’t be president forever. You’ll be ok.
Hey Kayleigh: what do you want a goat for? They make awful pets. I’m getting you a bottle of gatorade so you can get some electrolytes while you quench that thirst trap, grow up and love yourself first #thirsty
BECAUSE ITS 2017 AND PEOPLE ARE FREE TO LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES IF THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR ATTITUDE ITS GONNA BE A ROUGH ROAD FOR YOU KID DON’T BE A JERK EMMA IS GETTING EVERYTHING SHE EVER WANTED AND YOU GET NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAS
Hey Renee, wow ok so I feel personally attacked right now. This is a thankless job can you please send me a million dollars in unmarked bills? (See? How do you like being told what to do?)
Dear Ava: what is this, @CWPennandTeller a live tiger would actually kill you. You’re getting a beanie baby.
Dear RarrrrXd: my beard is my power. Stop talking hard behind a pen you paper gangsta and pull up. You know where I be.
Hi Anna Clara, Mostly it’s an uninhabitable wasteland, but we have a killer toy workshop and a few reindeer. Come through.
Dear anonymous child: did you think I’d send a real doll with toy clothes? Santa’s a toy maker, not a mind reader. Leave a name I can read next time.
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