Shit List of Doom
@ShitListofDoom
When they go too far, there's no where to go but The List.
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WHOEVER SCHEDULED EASTER ON 4/20: Now I have to fend off the Christians AND the stoners to get the discounted Easter candy? Come on! #easter
BLOCKBUSTER: So, you think closing your stores will get me to make a move? Think again. I’m keeping that tape of Cool Runnings I still have.
GUY ON TARMAC WHO DIRECTS THE PLANE: I totally just saw you drop your stupid wand thing! So help me if this plane crashes into the terminal.
DETROIT AIRPORT: Thanks for testing just how far apart two gates can be. I’ve always wanted to train as an Olympic sprinter between flights.
CHASE LIQUID: It’s a bad sign when your new debit card sounds like something I don’t want to step in. How about Chase Unidentified Fluid?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN: Just when I was going to start hiking again, you close all national parks?! What's next? Are you canceling fall leaves?
THE CONSTANT PASSAGE OF TIME: No updates in over a year would be ridiculous. Good thing this is only 364.75 days later. Take that, calendar!
TAKEN 2: We get it already! Nothing good comes from traveling abroad. I promise never to leave the U.S. without Liam Neeson’s permission.
LAST PERSON WHO HAD ORANGE JUICE: Way to not put the cap on tightly. Nothing starts the day like shaking the jug and spraying my co-workers.
$3 MOVIE THEATER: How the hell is your ICEE machine still broken?! What kind of cut-rate, discount operation are you running here? Oh right.
TWITTER: The least you can do is remember my password for me from 6 months ago. And maybe update yourself regularly during that 6-month gap.
SNOT: Thanks for reminding me that snorting at a joke is a great conversation killer, especially when talking to the opposite sex! Who knew?
GUY NEXT TO ME AT RED LIGHT: I see your dirty looks. But honestly, you should be the one getting the dirty looks for NOT blaring Smashmouth.
BROWN PLASTIC GRAHAM CRACKER PACKAGING: Is there any way to open you without obliterating the crackers? Help a hungry brother, you bastard.
PUGS: Does that labored breathing mean not enough air is getting into the dog and it’s on the verge of exploding? No? Never mind then.
COUPLE MAKING OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF SODA MACHINE: I came here to be filled with delicious Pepsi, not self-loathing and loneliness. Come on!
PERFECT SITUP: Damn you for seeming like a perfectly sound investment. How could a 1 AM airing of The Matrix Revolutions steer me so wrong?
COWORKERS WHO CRITICIZE MY FREE CANDY DISH: The bank has more flavors?! Are you freaking kidding me? They have more money too! Coincidence?
CLIF BARS: Why are you so insistent on melting in my backpack? You already have that “just-melted” shape to begin with. Can’t we compromise?
United States Trends
- 1. Porzingis N/A
- 2. Kuminga N/A
- 3. Warriors N/A
- 4. Gonzaga N/A
- 5. Skubal N/A
- 6. Podz N/A
- 7. Dalen Terry N/A
- 8. Hield N/A
- 9. #AEWDynamite N/A
- 10. Yabu N/A
- 11. Ty Jerome N/A
- 12. POTS N/A
- 13. Knicks N/A
- 14. #DubNation N/A
- 15. Lobos N/A
- 16. Draymond N/A
- 17. Zags N/A
- 18. Trey Murphy N/A
- 19. Golden State N/A
- 20. Flagstaff N/A
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