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I am a prolific improvisational jazz musician. Trouble is I can’t play any instruments. Thus I am condemned to scat.
Historians are hilarious. Buncha dudes acting like they were there
Just ran a 6:00 mile in a suit and tie and backpack in the Charlotte airport trying to make a connection. People cheered for me as I went. “Hey!” and “Slow down, moron!” they shouted. Doors were closed, but I still feel like a winner. You cannot break my spirit @AmericanAir.
Hey which one of you wise guys left the Fake Item Box on the highway? Mile marker 41 on I-75? Very funny… I got like 15 feet of air. That guy on a cloud had to come get me. My wife exploded.
if i could read minds, i would use it to say your jokes faster and louder than u
April Fools’ Day betrays the spontaneity and unexpectedness imperative to the spirit of Foolery. By limiting jokes to a specific day of the year, you deprive them of their very essence. A true April Fool would strike on April 2, April 28, or even October 10.
My brother made his tournament picks based on which coach dresses better. He’s calling it the Dapper Bracket…This is March.
Oranges are literally pre-sliced and you don't believe in God
Jaden Greathouse two defenders on their tush in one play you are a hero
Team Mass here straight to the College Football Playoff Notre Dame is the coolest
UNLV interim HC Del Alexander was FEELING IT after the Rebels won their first bowl game in 24 years 😎
Dua Lipa, while very beautiful, does not know as much about Frasier as me
Jesus had King Herod rattled from day one. Rent free. A baby rattling a grown man he'd never met. Embarrassing.
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