Little Kathy Wilson's Place
@SmashedAndBlind
Heavy metal and classic Doctor Who loving autistic bloke.
It's always a cock up when one of the neighbours round here tries to do something fun. I just came home to find a giant inflatable pumpkin in my garden, fuck knows who it belongs to. It's like James and the Giant Peach out there but with a pumpkin.
I've decided to start dreading Christmas a bit earlier this year. Quality Street and Roses are already in the shops so why not I say.
Just to let you all know that my Girlfriend's brother is still a cunt. In fact he's such a cunt that if we were in an Indiana Jones film and a Nazi shot him I'd tip the water from The Holy Grail over his trousers to make it look like he'd wet himself rather than save him.
Do you know what i miss? Posh voice overs on the telly. "On Panorama tonight a special on terrorists shopping in Waitrose!" *lightens tone* "And now on BBC1 will Harold have a threesome with Mrs Mangel and Madge? In Neighbours"
Putting the clocks back continues to be an unwanted hazard as I fell over my girlfriend's unused exercise ball trying to put her clock back up on the wall for her.
There's always that one knob that gets on a bus that's 90% empty but still makes a big show over deciding what seat to pick.
Bloke on the radio just got a phone call telling him he'd won half a million quid and he didn't know who the presenter was and then when he realised what was going on said "JESUS CHRIST!" what a legend 🤣
It's got to the point where I actually feel like a twat scanning the Asda App. The cashier knows there's fuck all to be gained on there now, I know there's fuck all to be gained on there now and yet we go through the same charade every week.
Dear John is being repeated on Great! TV and comes with a warning about not being suitable for young viewers. Blimey I was at primary school when it first aired and would sit with my Dad laughing at it.
Facing the prospect of another Saturday evening alone I'm contemplating overcoming my fear of talking on the phone to call either The Samaritans or a filthy sex chatline for company. Hopefully when I've made my decision I won't get the numbers mixed up.
After what seems like an eternity I finally had enough for a £10 voucher on the Asda App so I got a pair of Ghostbusters lounge pants which I doubt I'll ever wear but it seems a shame to use it on food.
When it comes to pop duos with a miserable looking sod on keyboards i always prefered Erasure #TOTP
Were MC Hammer's fucking stupid trousers in the wash when he did this one? #TOTP
During Covid i fantasised about spending lockdown with The Bangles but one day realised how much bog roll that would require so then i just narrowed it down to me and Susanna Hoffs #TOTP
My 5 year old Grandson just told me that he doesn't like football because it's just kicking a ball in a net and it's weird. Looks like the family tradition of being the last one picked for the team in P.E will carry on for a bit longer.
Blimey the Asda App is the gift that keeps on giving. The only thing on there at the moment is 50p off sanitary towels.
Who wants to come over to mine tonight and go wild eating cheese balls and Barbecue Pringles after 8pm, which could result in acid reflux later in the night, and play some Quo loud enough to annoy the scummy junkies on the corner? You'll have to deal with them if they complain.
Doing chicken Teriyaki for tea but I can't quite pronounce it properly so I just call it Chicken Terry Duckworth instead. When my girlfriend gets here she'll say "What's for tea?" and I'll say "Chicken Terry Duckworth" and she'll laugh. It's one of our Howard and Hilda moments.
So digital ID will be linked to porn verification. Mark my words we'll be seeing copies of Razzle back in the hedges before long.
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