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Blonde: Do you have any children? Man: Yes, I have a one that's just under two. Blonde: I may be blonde, but I know how many one is.
When my wife starts to sing, then I always go outside and work in the garden so that my neighbor's can seen there is no domestic violence
*me washing my wife's car 5 in the morning to be nice * Wife: why would you that?! Now everyone thinks I made you do it Me: sighs *throws dirt on the car again*
You know what is worse than going to a sex shop in your home town? Going back to the sex shop because a faulty toy only to find out that you put the batteries in the wrong way...
When I go back in my tweets: *check out my old memes* Wow that actually pretty funny *scrolls down more* Wow how was I allowed on the internet 😑
To commemorate our partnership with @jerseymikes, the first of many "Jersey Thursdays", will feature @Jensen! Enter with the link below for your chance to win a Jersey and $50 Jersey Mike's gift card! (Runs from 1/17 - 1/31!) sdqk.me/6MODL1UH/tl-x-…
There is no cereal i will resort to eating all my Christmas chocolates
This is pathetic i have been trying to join my server for 80 minutes now just sitting & spamming the join button on xbox @survivetheark
SoI found my drafted tweets most of them are just me trying to tweet pics of my dog and replies to @amberhartlin that never went through lol
When your going through old tweets and remember that @ckbayne called you a scrub 😢😢..
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