Taking Children Seriously
@TCSparents
Taking Children Seriously: children are entitled to the same freedom, rights, respect & control over their lives as we are. Non-coercion; fallibilism; freedom.
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You’re this kid’s parent. When they come home from school unhappy, you tell them “Boredom is part of life. You have to deal with unpleasant things.” What does the kid hear? “Reading isn’t really that great, boredom is more important. And suppressing it and putting on a good…
You’re a five year old. You love to read. You can read chapter books. You’re excited to start school in the fall. Then you actually start school. You’re stuck doing basic literacy. The rest of your class can’t read. You’re not allowed to read your books. You’re frustrated and…
When a child is upset about something like this, there is a problem to solve, and there will be a reason for her strange upset, and if you remain curious about and explore what that underlying reason is, you may well discover that the problem is actually easy to solve, and she…
The moment we become the authority, we are no longer the trusted guide.
Although the parent might feel as if they feel empathy for the child, they must actually be deeply disconnected from the child’s experience and numbing themselves to the child’s distress.
Thank you to my dear friends @TCSparents For posting my quote! If you hold a limit on your kid, and then empathize with their upset, it's false empathy! Because you are the perpetrator!
“In what universe would your average adult not object to being forced to go to school, to attend lessons they hate, to do homework, and to endure bullying, boredom, and sometimes outright abuse, stealing eleven years of their time?” - Sarah Fitz-Claridge
Taking Children Seriously is a new/different view of children—as being full people whose wishes matter just like ours do, whose lack of consent matters just as much as ours does, whose reasons for their wishes make sense, just like ours do.
Sarah Fitz-Claridge: Taking Children Seriously and freedom youtu.be/Qf6O-tJ8Cfc?fe…
“We cannot be the perpetrator and the empathizer at the same time.” - Vivek Patel .@meaningfulideas
“Children need to be helped to share.” Helped? Or forced to? What does this ‘helping’ involve, exactly? Why is the child distressed if the parent is ‘helping’? If you were busy working on something important to you on your laptop, and a bigger, stronger person “helped” you…
Such feelings are not actually inevitable. Childhood does not have to be like that. Children feel such feelings for reasons. The adults in their lives are not listening to their wishes and reasons, but overriding them. Coercion is not compulsory. Problems are soluble.…
“‘Promote coping and competence’ seems to mean training children to expect little and demand less. Competence is not promoted by coercion. And coping is about a problem being stuck instead of being in the process of being solved.” - Sarah Fitz-Claridge
“Too many children grow up trying to please others, without ever quite knowing what they really want or what really interests them.” – Naomi Fisher, 2021, Changing Our Minds: How children can take control of their own learning, 7: Parenting—Magical Counting, Attachment and…
Nice counter to some of the points I made! Especially about attunement. I think I underestimate how alien the noncoercive view is. It’s not just the idea children are full people, although that’s part of it — “everyone can get everything they want” is the truly alien part. 🤯
Being attuned to your baby and curious about what your baby wants or doesn’t want, is interested in or not interested in, what makes your baby’s heart sing, and what doesn’t, and how it is all evolving and changing all the time, is absolutely vital. There is sooooo much that is…
“That’s the thing about taking ourselves and each other seriously: everyone gets what they want, and enjoying your loved one’s joy is just more icing on the cake!” - Francine Lucidon (From a brand new not-to-be-missed article Francine wrote for the Taking Children Seriously…
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