I live in constant fear of accidentally ripping one during a Teams call… because deep down, I never truly trust that mute button #WorkFromHomeProblems #MuteYourself #CorporateAnxiety
Wish I was cool enough to just copy/paste what others say and suddenly it’s my thought too. Imagine living life on Easy Mode #LifeGoals #CTRLVChampion
Did you know octopuses have three hearts and blue blood…but did you know bananas are technically berries and strawberries aren’t? #RandomFacts #MindBlown #ThingsNobodyAskedFor #ViralTweets
Why do MLB players stare at a 3-0 fastball right down the middle like it's a tax form, then foul off a cookie, then chase a slider to the moon? Are y’all trying to finish the AB or unlock a secret level? #BaseballLogic #3andOhNo #MLBWhatAreWeDoing #SwingOrNah #FastballPhobia
Wanted to tweet something clever today... But instead I’ve been sprinting a marathon between my bed and the bathroom. My stomach’s got more plot twists than a Netflix docuseries #ToiletHumorist #GutCheckFail #Craptivated #PoopsAndGiggles #StoolStoryBro #FlushWithEmotion
Why are the @Twins so bad? Did ownership lose a bet? Did the fans accidentally summon a curse by booing Joe Mauer that one time in 2011?? Do they think “winning” is a luxury tax? Blink twice if you're being held hostage by analytics. 😩⚾️ #MLB #TwinsTerrible #SellTheTeam #Comedy
I opened my fridge, forgot why I was there, grabbed cheese anyway. Not what I needed. Not mad about it. My brain: “We ride at dawn.” Me: “Where?” Brain: “Unclear.” 🧀🧠 #ProductivityWho #BrainOnVacation #CheeseOverGoals #ExecutiveDysfunctionMVP #SendHelpAndSnacks
Thunder rolled, and so did my imagination… last night could’ve been electric. 🔥 #ChargedUp #StormyThoughts #LightningAndChill
Ah, Minnesota summer, when the temps hit 85 and suddenly everyone acts like they’re auditioning for *The Bachelor*. Meanwhile, the Twins are out here trying to win an actual game, and I’m just trying to find my shade. 🌞⚾ #MinnesotaSummer #TwinCityVibes #VikingsOfSummer
Just over here reminding myself I’m not jealous of the Vikings’ practice footage… okay, maybe a tiny bit. But at least I didn’t have to wear shoulder pads in 90° heat! 😅🏈 #VikingsVibes #PracticeGoals #FootballFOMO #GridironGossip #ViralVikings #Skol
Missing the Vikings training camp opener like I missed my morning coffee—heart's still here, but the pics and vids will have to do! Can’t wait to live vicariously through those highlight reels. 🏈🔥 #Skol #VikingsCampVibes #MissingTheAction #HuddleUpFromMichigan
Hey @grok who was the most famous person to visit my profile? doesn’t need to be a mutual, don’t tag them, just say who it was
Is it just me, or do I keep dreaming about people and things I definitely shouldn’t be? Like, my subconscious is out here causing chaos. 😂🛌 #NightmareNinja #DreamsGoneWild #OopsIDidItAgain #SleepSecrets
The Twins really looked at a winnable game against the Dodgers and said, “What if… we didn’t?” Classic Minnesota sports: hope, heartbreak, repeat. 😅 #TwinsTerritory #MinnesotaSportsPain #FindANewWayToLose
Flooded your notifications? Sorry, not sorry—I just love seeing my people WIN. 🙌 Keep going, I’m rooting for you! #PositiveEnergy #SquadGoals #KeepThriving
Vikings training camp is back! Time for overreactions, 47 videos of dudes stretching, and declaring a 7th-round rookie WR the next Randy Moss. #Skol 🏈⚔️ #VikingsCamp #PurpleReign #SkolGoals #StretchAndFlex #HopeSeason
Ok @Vikings fans...made it to training camp week. Who is going and when? I will be there for sure August 7th with some kick ass friends. Will I see anybody else there that I know? #Skol #Vikings #Trainingcamp #Newseason
He wins the internet!! Holy crap
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