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I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Wife me up or don’t, you’ll regret it either way 💁🏼♂️
So according to a voicemail I just received from an automated system, the IRS has filed a lawsuit against me for “very serious charges” and the local sheriffs are going to arrest me. SWEET! 💯🙌🏻
Couldn’t be more disappointed in my home-state of #Arkansas for once-again voting red. Do y’all not understand that the Republican Party DOES NOT WORK FOR THE COMMON PEOPLE??? You all are better than this. All of you deserve more than this 😔
I’m able to see a clear night sky with stars and planets from my apartment for the first time in three months. I can’t even describe how happy that makes me
Tbh, if you don’t commute to work on the freeway and you aren’t familiar with the route, DON’T get on the freeway during rush hour. Everyone HATES YOU for it! #commuterlife #killme
“The absolute best job in the world is to be a tow truck. If you can’t be a tow truck, then the next best is to be a tug boat. Those are the best jobs in the world” #overheard #elderlyneighbors
I do me and you do you and if we ever end up together, it’s beautiful.
I’ve never been to prison, but I know what it feels like. It feels like being stuck in standstill rush-hour traffic on the “free”way #California #sf #bayarea
Okay, v serious question here. I have cheetos, but if I were to only eat a single cheesy crip/puff would I have eaten a “Cheeto” or a “Cheetoh”??? Looking for a friend...DISCLAIMER: if you eat the puffs, you’re a psycho and if you eat only one Cheeto(h) then you’re also a psycho
I swear to God, I’m gonna stop using @Eaze_Team if they keep having “payment issues” this happens TOO often! NO ONE CARRIES CASH ANYMORE! #fedup
So today is my bday and I was curious, how many miles around the sun have I (and every 25-year-old) traveled after so many years? Answer: 14 BILLION miles! Insane! Even if you don’t travel, you still travel
Just had a kid come up to me super sus and all asking if I’d buy him some fruit snacks because the owner of the corner store thinks he stole from him once. Long story short, I got him the snaccs 😂
Anyone know of a good family willing to adopt a 24 almost 25 year old? Taking applications! 😂😅
“Kraftfahrtzeuginnenausstattunsneugeruchsgenuss” is the German word for “new-car smell” so have fun with that
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