TedCanTalk's profile picture. Life ain't nothin' but bitches and honey.

Ted

@TedCanTalk

Life ain't nothin' but bitches and honey.

So is ya mom's pussy. RT @gzvhg: your movie is trash.@TedCanTalk


Shutting this down. People can't appreciate real comedy, they only like trash.


Know what pisses me off? There are other "Ted" parodies that tweet stupid shit & RT if's that have thousands of followers and Im stuck at 38


YOLO is not an excuse to be a whore.


I'm not high...... Oh look, a unicorn!


*sings* Fuck you thunder, you can suck my dick, you can't get me thunder, you're just god's farts! *fart noise*


.....and Fuck.


Eat. Drink. Smoke. Shit. Sleep.


Don't let my cuteness fool you, I have a huge schlong.


I'm going to "Amazing Spider-Man" all over your face and tits.


Whores make the world go around, and my dick hard.


It's hotter than @BrooklynDecker out here!


No Officer, my speach isn't slurred, I'm just talking in cursive.


I think i left a blowjob at your house, mind if I come get it?


I bet Robert De Niro of "Taxi Driver" would shoot Robert De Niro of "Little Fockers".


I would happily drill you with the reckless abandon of a muliti-million dollar oil company.


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