Inappropriate Tweets
@TheBadTweets
They say the best defense is a good offense. That's why we keep it as offensive as possible.
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Nothing like a hot cup of coffee to remind you how bleak your pathetic life is and that you'll never amount to anything.
The best part about 3pm every day is that there are only 9 more hours left to regret.
What about the responsible men out there that don't have miniature versions of themselves fucking the planet up? When is their day?
To all the men who forgot to pull out, have a great weekend, celebrating your biggest mistake.
Maybe this is just the cancer talking, but goddamnit, I hate cancer.
Angelina Jolie has proven that she'll literally do anything for attention.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Puerto Rican Orphan Slang. English, please." -me at any Walmart produce department
That came out wrong. What I meant was, if you can't count on your lil sis for a good hand job, who can you count on?
My 15 year old sister is a big bag of emotions right now. It was only a hand job. If you can't be close with family, who else do you have?
I don't mind if you're a Jew. Just don't be one around me.
I just took one of those shits you have to take a shower afterward.
What's it called, again, when you have a boner at your sister's wake?
I imagine gay guys have to take a shower after every shit they take
Hey elderly Asian lady, No one in this Walmart speaks whatever language you're making up. Stop screaming rape.
I lost to my buddy Tyrome playing hide and seek. I never would have thought to look at the library.
Hey gay guys, We know you're gay. You don't have to stick your dick in every other thing that has a dick.
Quaffle, Bludger, and Snitch all sound like British slang for private parts. That Harry Potter's a fucking perv.
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