Michael Thomas
@ThomasCommaM
Computer Helper, Drawrer, Improv Business Boy, No Longer A Free Time Haver
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Living with another person is all about sharing responsibilities: wordlessly knowing whose turn it is to wash dishes, take out the trash, or sing the chorus of Uncle Kracker's "Drift Away" to get it stuck in everyone's head
I guess we'll find out tomorrow how dumb and stubborn Americans are if they go out and celebrate or even just wish @CountItDota a happy birthday
Really upset that my doctor uses a photo of me in twenty years to advertise blood pressure
*slathering peanut butter on a fiber one bar* I'm something of a gourmand myself
if i had a girlfriend i would let her take as many sips as she wanted from my Taco Bell baja blast soda even though I would really prefer to drink it all myself
My girlfriend is having a ladies night tonight and I exerting all my goodwill keeping her happy so she doesn't reveal I spent 20 of the last 72 hours playing the package-delivery-with-a-baby-strapped-on-you game
My credit card company sending me an urgent email about offers that I have to review and it only being a deal for cash back from Olive Garden is basically them mimicking me and I'll admit I'm into it
While in the bathroom at work, the motion-operated paper towel dispenser went off on its own. Happy Halloween!
If you ask me who my favorite modern era child actor is, I'll say the same thing an Australian dairy farmer says as they daydream about the potential of their grazing herd: Asa Butterfield
Walking through the House on the Rock horror house and dealing with fear in a normal way by quickly shuffling away while chuckling and saying "very effective good job thank you please stay there"
Currently a huge fan of dogs in paintings from 450 years ago
I don't know what bugs me out more: how many comics talk about standup like they think they're storming the beach at Normandy, or how many fans take all this self-mythologizing seriously.
Dear @Shanemgillis As a former SNL cast member I am sorry that you had the misfortune of being a cast member during this era of cultural unforgiveness where comedic misfires are subject to the intolerable inquisition of those who never risked bombing on stage themselves.
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