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I never learn my lesson. Every Super Bowl I cram enough food inside me to choke a mule and watch my digestive system break down and ruin me.
I feel like this burning hateful shit has been plaguing me since yesterday and three poops ago too.
The Jolly Inn Polish smorgasbord, 6 pounds of beige going in, 8 pounds of beige coming out.
I mean I ate a lot of popcorn last night, but this...this smells like popcorn. Just, you know, not as delicious.
I apologize for my absence and negligence. And to whoever uses this toilet after me, seriously this is noxious.
Last poop of the tour in Tulsa, OK and I swear to god it was shaped like a heart. My butt says goodbye, #LHtour !
This bathroom is heavily perfumed. Let's see what we can do about that, cheddar, bacon, and onions! #LHtour
The noises, the smell, the look of it just revolting. Cracker Barrel, you done me right this morning, you done me wrong right now. #LHtour
Back to solid movements. Yay. But for not having eaten anything last night, there sure is a whole lot of green poop in there. #LHtour
Today is like a horror movie franchise. Every time I defeat my villain I know he's coming back next time. #LHtour
Even prescription strength anti diarrheal can't help me. My butt does what it wants. #LHtour
Had to duck out in the middle of a performance. Hope the kids didn't notice...and I hope my mic's not on. #LHtour
Smells like bird shit and rotting kelp. Or maybe that's just what Florida smells like. #LHtour
Just puked up some of my dinner and now I'm doubled over on the toilet. The best part of waking up is having a leaky butt. #LHtour
For being an all night McDonald's bathroom in central Florida, this ain't too bad. #LHtour
Taking an angry shit stranded in syracuse, when I should be in fucking Florida! Jet blue thinking of you while I shove this one out #LHtour
These hangover shits took their time getting here, but boy when they did, they didn't waste any time! #LHtour
I know poop ain't supposed to be pretty, but this one looks like it was beaten with the ugly sack full of stink rocks. #LHtour
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