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Hmm... I have a Twitter account. Wonder how I forgot about it. #HELLOWORLD
Just finished #ColdDays . @longshotauthor , you magnificent bastard.
Hey @altonbrown, I just bought some new cookware and used your guidelines. Thanks for the tips. #culinarydeity
Worst thing about getting a cold is having to lick all of your co-workers' phones.
Joe Biden is like a poor man's Jim Carrey, but Paul Ryan is like a poor man's worst nightmare.
Even like the smartest dinosaur was stupid as fuck
Oh, and I finished up with the final proofs of COLD DAYS early this morning. Rap, rap. On the way.
I finally have word that it's officially official: Marsters is recording the audio for COLD DAYS.
Dear Science, please invent more hot dog flavors. Thanks.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
You guys ever sigh so long it turns into a yawn that turns into a nap that turns into a lifestyle?
Miller. Kidding. SOO-kuh-loss. #nowyouknowthanksforaskingmeandnotsomemoron RT @CMroczka how do you pronounce your last name? #dyingtoknow
Dawg. You know how offended I get at those sassy ass R&B commercials for McDonalds' nuggets. NIGGA. I still eat that shit tho
If people criticize you, hurt you, shout at you, don't be bothered.. just remember "In every game the audience make noise, not the players."
"@FactUP: You cannot sneeze with your eyes open." The fuck you can't. #beenthere
What a scene! Just in a 7/11 where a pissed off robot stormed out cursing about the price of electronic cigarettes!
God particle is 'found': Scientists at Cern expected to announce Higgs boson particle has been... bit.ly/LcgS2E @joerogan
"On a day this beautiful, I don't mind when the sun pops behind a cloud; I just assume it's adjusting its dick." Mr. Rogers
How am I going to spend Valentine's Day? Naked, one the floor with a bottle of Captain Morgan in my hand, screaming Adele songs to my cat!
@bjohawk4life and @JTBlueShell should get together and talk about WWE. They're the only dudes I know who still watch. #matchmaker
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