TipsForSurvival's profile picture. Neither afraid nor petrified.

Survival Tips

@TipsForSurvival

Neither afraid nor petrified.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Also: no health insurance.


Three things one should always carry in case of rapture: a Bible, a Koran, and all three seasons of Arrested Development on DVD.


Bear Grylls can suck it.


The saliva of the Komodo Dragon is highly venomous. The only known antidote is Mr. Pibb. Carry some with you at all times.


The best way to avoid being hijacked by Somali pirates is to not sail your yacht near Somalia.


Avoid the films of Nicolas Cage at all costs.


Never make eye contact with a female wallaby.


The male coyote is extremely protective of its family unit. If confronted by one, make fun of its sister.


Survival factoid: the cannibalistic Arakmbut tribe of Peru has one known weakness: the music of Andrew Lloyd Weber.


Africanized honey bees are easily confused. If confronted by a swarm, show them a sudoku book.


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