TomPerlee's profile picture. Reality, hold the pickles

Tom

@TomPerlee

Reality, hold the pickles

Tom reposted

restaurants should bring back smoking sections but for jacking off, and if you don't like that idea yiou can just sit in the normal sections


Tom reposted

what a nice corporate credit card...........sure would be a shame if someone....tipped adequately with it


Tom reposted

My cousin Tay Tay vaped once at a party and she went on to steal hundreds of dollars in clothing from various stores we don't know if it's related but you can never be too careful


Tom reposted

Back when I was a kid we were a lot younger than the kids today. The kids today are like 11,12. We were like 6 and 7 back then.


Tom reposted

I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ices to them all then asked me "Who are you?". I realised the rest were all her family. 30 years later I still cringe.


Tom reposted

The owner of my AirBnB just told me to "help myself to anything in the kitchen" and there is a frozen turkey in the freezer and I can't think of anything funnier than cooking it


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if i had a girlfriend i would not let anyone kill her


Tom reposted

Her: remember Jimmy Neutron? Me: yeah, but I haven't seen it in years Her: what was the super hero the nerdy kid loved? Me: ultra lord, and his name was Sheen Her: yes, thank you. When's my birthday? Me: Her: when's my birthday Kyle Me: Me: happy b- Her: it was yesterday


Tom reposted

if i get an abortion can i get a teardrop tattoo ????


Tom reposted

THEY PLAYED THE WRONG SONG FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM I-


Tom reposted

Well hello Lake Tahoe. In case you haven’t noticed... I am in you.


Tom reposted

St Peter: ok the ghost busters just died, they did good so I let them into heaven, right? God: yes Jesus: sure Holy Ghost: absolutely not


Tom reposted

Instead of dating apps, try chirping like crickets do to attract a mate. Seems to work for crickets. I say give it a shot.


Tom reposted

just found out jack johnson is a real person and not just a term for any white guy who plays acoustic guitar


Tom reposted

The Simpsons prediction things is getting so fucking eerie now. Like way back in 1995 they predicted that Maggie shot Mr Burns.


Tom reposted

Ya know, if a country has so many people in prison that allowing them to vote could swing an election, maybe there are too many people in prison


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