_Anus_'s profile picture. I'm the guy fuckin' the monkey that's fuckin' a football.

Anus

@_Anus_

I'm the guy fuckin' the monkey that's fuckin' a football.

It is generally understood that you never go full-retard, but every great once in a while it is acceptable and necessary to go full-Negan.


I'm convinced that the NSA are attempting to read my thoughts. I'm not too concerned, though. Now, I just think in Pig Latin. Uckfay emthay.


Priests are like really bad magicians, trying to convince you that they pulled a rabbit out of a hat, when really there's no rabbit nor hat.


A deep meaningful insight, against a backdrop of a sunset, or a silhouette of Buddha. Perhaps something cheeky involving coffee and Minions.


Damn kids. Why, in my day, we had LARPing- the D&D equivalent of Pokemon GO. And we were thankful! None of this imaginary nonsense. Oh wait.


Whenever I've got a difficult decision, I ask myself, "What would Dr. Phil do?" Then I punch myself hard in the face and go on about my day.


Sometimes I want to break the '4th wall' of the real world, and speak to an audience that doesn't exist, and say 'Do you believe this shit?'


Science says that since your brain takes time to process there's no such thing as living in the present. I disagree. Just think ahead a bit.


Somewhere betwixt heaven and hell, there's a place reserved for the especially stupid. A place called "Derp". Sometimes pronounced "Earth".


I think I'll capture people that play Pokémon GO, keep them in big plastic balls, and every once in a while make them to fight to the death.


Number of the Beast?...Anybody?...Nope. Shout at the Devil?...Aw, c'mon, man. Reign in Blood?...No!?...Wtf!? Y'all motherfuckers need Satan.


Blue Life in 140 Characters: You're born. You dedicate your life to protecting others. You get shot to death for the behavior of other cops.


REAL LIFE in 140 Characters: You're born. You try to get by the best you can. You get shot to death in a routine traffic stop for complying.


Life in 140 characters: We're born. We do stuff. Some stuff happens to us. We process the stuff. Possibly we learn some stuff along the way.


Gooos fraba...exhale...gooos fraba...find your center...go to your center...Are you too good for your center? SUCK MY WHITE ASS, MEDITATION!


I've been married, divorced, lonely, pissed off at the world, and lost to the point I wasn't sure if I'd ever get back. It was all worth it.


Not sure if it's a compliment when someone says, "You have the mental equivalent of retard strength." Damned high school guidance counselor.


The finale episode of GOT? George R. R. Martin, sitting on the Iron Throne, in his underwear, eating Cheetos, surrounded by stacks of cash.


Stoner Moments #678: What if The Walking Dead is set in the same world as Game of Thrones, just much, much later in history. Think about it.


Beating a dead horse does seem kind of pointless, at first, till you realize just how tender the meat is after you've finished. So worth it.


Loading...

Something went wrong.


Something went wrong.