Kid Show Business
@_RomanLeo
If people aren’t laughing something is wrong.
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*gathers tarantula in Arizona desert to sell illegally on craigslist* *gets letter from FBI, thinks Just try to come get me in my condo full of giant spiders* *breeds super tarantula as extra percaution*
im good at stand up comedy now i finally turned it around
Know this: you are greatness and light. No, wait, that's not you. Sorry.
Godzilla must have been hella pissed in the drive-through when they banned supersize!!!
Have never enjoyed seeing the Venmo timeline a single time
Here's a fun thing: Take your first name and then go fuck yourself.
Once I learn how to process my emotions, figure out how to sleep at night, stop eating compulsively, learn to love and find a purpose, then LOOK OUT cause I’m gonna be unstoppable.
If we are on this earth for such a short time then why is this day dragging? ( gunshot. Followed by a long howl from a lone wolf on the prairie that knows only hardship. Suddenly a man in a suit comes running near the hungry wolf. It is Jimmy Fallon. He is mauled.)
Let us make this the greatest nation on the planet who couldn’t prevent the unnecessary deaths of 600,000 people because of a for-profit healthcare system.
“ hey hate!” ‘yea fear?” ‘ hedge funds keep buying up lots of the housing market and no one can afford a house anymore “. “ that’s why we are going to murder them one by one” ‘thanks hate’.
2 weeks away from a NEW Year NEW Laughs @SoundRoomOAK in beautiful @visitoakland with the best comics Cali has to offer. Advance tickets recommended & only $10!🔥🎤🔥🎤🔥 brownpapertickets.com/event/4462893 @JoeyAveryComedy @irene_tu @zorbajvon @visitoakland @OakFirstFridays @_RomanLeo
Any song is a breakup song if you sing it while crying
I’d be a lot happier if I wasn’t so sad.
Sesame Street was one of the most diabolical mind warping Alien invasions that’s totally real.
Pretty soon we will be in camps with ‘ I voted ‘ stickers on.
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