_RobertSchultz's profile picture. 🌴 comedian | writer | etc. 🌴

Robert Schultz

@_RobertSchultz

🌴 comedian | writer | etc. 🌴

مثبتة

My freshman year roommate sat me down Day 1 and was like “Heads up: I’ll be bringing lots of girls and maybe even some guys to the dorm this year so, if that scares you, grow up cuz this ain’t high school!” Anyway, he brought one girl back the whole year and now they’re married.


Robert Schultz أعاد

for my illiterate followers, i have once again filmed myself reading my tweets and explaining them youtu.be/k87O3Yct4TA?si…


Robert Schultz أعاد

recounting my fancy sushi counter horror story in special halloween ep of my freaking PODCAST youtu.be/3T5ziDRrYgc


Robert Schultz أعاد

What Do You Do For Work? 🤔 Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #email #meeting #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


they say “WWIII will be fought with nuclear weapons and WWIV will be fought with sticks and stones” but I’m an optimist so I like to think that WWIII will be fought with nuclear weapons and WWIV will be fought with all the cool superpowers we get from the radiation during WWIII


being unemployed is like “so the good news is you have unlimited free time but the bad news is you’ll be spending that time having a constant panic attack about your future”


Robert Schultz أعاد

When You Give 2 Weeks Notice 🐿️ Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #office #work #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


my therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a ton of bricks: “i feel like you’re just using our sessions to farm quotable content for social media”


Robert Schultz أعاد

When They Want 2 Weeks Notice 🐿️ Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #office #work #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


Robert Schultz أعاد

How PTO Actually Works 😒 Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #interview #hr #pto #timeoff #office #corporate #work #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


Robert Schultz أعاد

Uno Reverse In The Salary Negotiations 😏 Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #interview #hr #salary #office #corporate #work #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


Robert Schultz أعاد

Uno Reverse In The Job Interview 😏 Original Video: Under Studio x @_RobertSchultz #interview #hr #office #corporate #work #job #animation #mushroom #squirrel #understudio


Robert Schultz أعاد

TOMORROW APRIL 24th! The Easter Bunny left us an incredible show to end the month on! Robert Schultz Andrew Michaan Lisa Chanoux Mary Houlihan Andrew Stier Jessica Singer And host @DannyCuneo 8:30 doors/9 pm show Illusion Magic Lounge in Santa Monica $10 tix online below! 👇

lahighnote's tweet image. TOMORROW APRIL 24th! The Easter Bunny left us an incredible show to end the month on!

Robert Schultz 
Andrew Michaan
Lisa Chanoux
Mary Houlihan
Andrew Stier
Jessica Singer
And host @DannyCuneo 

8:30 doors/9 pm show
Illusion Magic Lounge in Santa Monica 
$10 tix online below! 👇

Robert Schultz أعاد

Last week, I was struck as a pedestrian in a hit and run collision in LA. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I’m still hospitalized and I had surgery on my shoulder to repair a broken humerus and rotator cuff. I appreciate any help. gofund.me/df473a47

gofundme.com

Donate to Help Heather Marulli Recover From Hit and Run, organized by Larissa Marulli

On the evening of March 6, 2024, my sister, Heather Marulli, was hit by … Larissa Marulli needs your support for Help Heather Marulli Recover From Hit and Run


my boss was like “people working from home are just pretending to work” and it’s like, actually dude, people working in an office are just pretending they couldn’t totally do this at home


a friend of mine was like "i feel like you're the type of guy who is so bad with money that you've maxed out multiple credit cards" and it's like, joke's on you, i'm actually the type of guy who is so bad with money that i've never even had a credit card


see something (a little dog on a walk) say something (“why hello to you little sir”)


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