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Every single person I known who’s ever moved to Chicago has also moved out of Chicago
I know none of my friends are basic because not a single one of them had their wedding in a stupid fucking tent.
That first hour after taking adderoll where your head is all foggy and then all of a sudden you’re a genius. Or at least you think you’re a genius
Peep toe shoes are hideous and trashy no one wants to see your toes
People with @TSA Precheck need to calm down about using it when they’re traveling with people who don’t have it. Like, obviously you’re going to do that & stop acting like precheck is elite. All you did was pay $70 & not have an alarming criminal record
New construction houses can be haunted too. The ghosts get angry when you tear down their houses
Please @Microsoft @Google @elonmusk @Apple & the rest of the tech industry: I don’t care about AI, self-driving cars, or going to space. Please just make Excel reasonably usable & intuitive & the UX for all airlines PERFECTLY clear
Me: “My skin looks so young because I wear SPF 70 every day” Also me: “Always sleeps in my makeup and has a standing botox appointment every 4 months”
Just found out @CodyRigsby is a Gemini and I’m heartbroken (a Virgo)
When your die hard android BFF marries an iPhone man and I so now I get to impromptu FaceTime him to talk to her because what’s his is ours and what’s ours is his
i wonder if she would ever hang out with a guy like me
Summer 2023: Body by Wegovi Personality by Welbuitrin Intellect by Adderoll Skincare by Botox Managed by Klonapin
My biggest flex is rolling up to my high school brother’s sporting events 1x/yr and all the parents think I’m a student
Nothing quite like when he hard launches her and you get confirmation that he downgraded >>>>
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