i put cheese on a croissant and my roommate asked if i was making a taco… would love to know what’s going on inside of her mind😍
the hottest girls you know don’t own a microwave (it caught on fire)
she Eagle Edge me in my Privilege Area till I Crust and Crumb in her A-hall
and i stand by it
anya just said to me “I’m thinking of wearing fishnets underneath my dumbledore costume”
happy birthday america, here’s a little list of some lovely characters i encountered at the ER on this special special night
guy next to me on my 2-hour plane ride paid 30 dollars for wifi mid-flight and immediately googled the lyrics to a Young Jeezy song. priorities 👍
happy mother’s day to my father, who gave my mom a present and a forged a card “from me” this morning while i slept in til 4 PM. the true unsung hero of this holiday.
once in high school, some guy in my class stole my lunch and then recited the plum poem to me when i confronted him #NeverForget
imagine your roommate eats the plums you were saving for breakfast and then writes a bitchy little poem talking about how good they were. and then it becomes one of the most famous poems of all time
if i let a raccoon bite me do u think i will become like spider-man🤩
Recently, we have seen an increase of incidents involving raccoons and the UT student population. Unfortunately, these interactions have resulted in three students being bitten by a raccoon and receiving rabies vaccinations as a precautionary measure. (Thread)
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