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A conversation between a toddler and her dad at the salad bar: Kid: Daddy, do you want chickpeas? Dad: No hunny, I don’t want any chickpeas right now. . . . Kid: Daddy you’re making me mad.
would you like half of a brownie? “no thanks.. it would go straight to my ass, and I’ve already got enough for a team of donkeys.”
“I’ll do great, and you’ll do great, and we will both be great together.”
Me: singing Peter’s Cetera’s “You’re the Inspiration.” BF in the other room: MY DICK.
“Wait what year did I graduate?” Grandma: “. . . 2000?” “Yeah I was the top fetus of my class.”
“You’ve got a back pocket that needs my hand in it is all I’ve got to say . . . I hope that didn’t sound too redneck.”
“Card: Your dad has a sex change.” “Nah.. her dad left for cigarettes a loooong time ago.” “Card: Go bald.” “Your HAIR left for cigarettes too.”
you can change. you can be something else. you can be different. you can be new.
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