Alien: Unfortunately my name manifests in kinetic frequencies which your human mind simply cannot comprehend. Me: I want to try. It's important to me. Alien: Bart Simpson Me: No we actually have that name here too
[wakes up with a hangover] uhh what happened last night [Carrot Top in bed beside me] Good morning [Me] Carrot Top my love, what happened
Me: Is the natural state of the soul quiet or chaos? Taco Bell cashier: Look buddy, it’s transient, shifting like water
big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck
Hey man, good to see you, it's been a while. [climbing him] Lemme climb ya real quick
I got so caught up hitting licks and chasing the bag I forgot about my true passions of poetry and creative writing
me: dude you got gravy all over your shirt The mindful spiller: I know
i can’t say i’ve ever bird Watched but i’ve Stolen a glance or two when the moment Allowed for it
Guy in front of me: -and what the heck, I’ll buy the next guy’s coffee. Me (walking up to the register): I would like a one million dollar coffee
Once I got high and forgot what Daft Punk was called. I looked in Apple Music and found that I had renamed some MP3s as ‘Didds Wuddly.’
Guy who’s only seen sardines in the wild commenting on a wide-open space: We’re like sardines out here
We like to joke about it but the truth is that “suckin on a chili dog” shit in “Jack and Diane” is one of the craziest fuckin things I’ve ever heard
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