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I’ll tell you one thing… (Tells you 57 things and never finishes the 1 thing)
They are the Mariah Carey of Thanksgiving.
Wanda and I are excited to partner with Green Giant for our 10th Thanksgiving. Make sure to follow along!
Beaver supermoon sounds like something you would see at a nude beach.
One of my most irrational fears is that I’ll find a magic lamp someday and that all of my wishes will backfire because I asked for them the wrong way.
Every man I start talking to asks if they can put a baby in me and when I tell them I don’t ever want to get pregnant they walk away like this
Piping hot Pho transporting micro plastics directly into my bloodstream
The next Nuremberg trials should be live-streamed exclusively on Tubi
i love cute tiny purses but im sad to say i can never be a cute tiny purse girl. i need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere i go. because what if…..
I always thought Dick Cheney was one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, so I’m kind of shocked he died tbh.
Someone talk me out of buying a planner because I know I’ll only use it for a week and give up. PLEASE!
Might be misguided, but I bet I could break bad and cook my own vape juice.
Sorry, I’m late. I had to clasp my own bracelet.
The giant spider in my room is now named Cotton Eyed Joe, because I want to know two things: -where did he come from -where did he go
I watch a lot of criminal minds and i tell you what I can’t predict the future and I try not to say “couldn’t be me” but some of these ways folks are getting murdered in this show? could never be me. IM NOT PLAYING YOUR STUPID LITTLE GAME KILL ME RIGHT HERE IN THE PARKING LOT OF…
Buy a house with my lunch money
It’s really fucking annoying when you’re watching a show on a platform and you’re 10million seasons deep and have one more left and they are like “oh we don’t have this anymore. Try the one app you don’t have.”
Shaq did this intentionally so kids can afford sneakers to wear. Sneaker culture gotta stop tryna make jokes outta this. Corny as fuck.
😂😂😂😂😩
Children always look for every opportunity to return to God
My friend dressed as Sally last night and people didn’t know who she was!?!?! Usually I cringe when people say this but…OPEN THE SCHOOLS!!! Her costume was absolutely perfect 😩
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