brokeOclock's profile picture. Socially-acceptable incompetent

Broke o'Clock

@brokeOclock

Socially-acceptable incompetent

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When 50 cent gives advice he becomes 48 cent


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“Living well is the best revenge.” Alexa, what is the second best revenge?


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Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of worcestershire sauce?


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Ice cream isn't meant to be eaten in public; it's meant to be eaten at home, in your PJs while crying.


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I just found $5 in the dryer, if anyone is looking for an experienced money launderer.


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InternetH0F's tweet image.

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I really want a family sized bag of peanut butter m&ms


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What іdіot called іt “parmesan cheese” and not Spaghettі Confettі?


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can’t tell if my exhaustion is from the heat or living through a constant barrage of historic events for the past 7 years


You always see backed by science you never see backed by the bible


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Absolutely lethargic from daylight savings, I can barely drag an email from the inbox to trash.


We talk too much as a society


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If you're going to eat three cookies you might as well eat six or eight.


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Delayed in a busy airport and my kid is playing with kids from 4 different continents and the parents are like isn’t this fun and I’m like uh huh so fun but inside I’m 99% sure we’re living the plot of the next outbreak movie


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(reading) there are 8 billion people in the world my brain: there are 16 billion buttcheeks in the world


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Daylight savings santa didn’t eat the huge plate of sirloin beef I left out for him.


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Twas the night before Daylight Savings and all through the house, Folks were asking, didn’t we ban this shit last year?


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the clock in my car is about to be correct again.


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Phantom of the Opurra

UncleDuke1969's tweet image. Phantom of the Opurra

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I stayed up to watch the clock go from 1:59 to 3:00 am because you know, time travel


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