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Apparently Amelia Earhart was as good at flying an Danica Patrick was at driving
You ever meet someone and then you meet their parents and suddenly it makes sense
It’s #InternationalWomensDay. There was a time not long ago that women couldn’t vote, or open credit cards without their husband’s signature, or compete in the Olympics, or do their jobs without being harassed. That time is up. #TimesUp
Thanks, lowest rated President in HISTORY.
Lowest rated Oscars in HISTORY. Problem is, we don’t have Stars anymore - except your President (just kidding, of course)!
Men are trash but sometimes I am a recycling bin
those asshole threw away my cheesecake. the lack of morals in my house scares me
let's all think back to that time I asked if there was a relation between apostles creed and Apollo creed. religion department probably has a folder on me
I don't regret most of the stuff I do but eating that stick of unsalted butter, that I do
I'm not saying he loves me but we have a six day streak so...
I've recently realized I have become reliant on cocoa puffs to survive so fuck you. I'm currently having withdrawal while I write this @KelloggsUS
everyone's like omg This is us and I'm over here like guys the stock market...
hitting rock bottom is waking up in a pool of ice cream
morals? yeah they're somewhere around here. check under the couch maybe
I aspire to be lobster bisque. Thick and rich
we say "oh man" because let's face it, men are disappointing
you are the stale cheerios to my morning
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