Carlos M
@cmorrison67
It’s me, Carlos Mencia
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Throwing my head back, tossing a handful of chocolate chips in my mouth like a pill popper. Staring at my own reflection. I don’t recognize myself anymore.
It was a dark and stormy night, so I took some melatonin and got a good nights rest
You’d think the patrons at BookPeople would be able to read “compact cars only” yet I find myself wedged between a Lincoln Navigator and the Christopher Nolan Batmobile
Damn, a necklace is really just a lace for your neck. I get it now.
The secret to a happy life is avoiding doing things that suck
Just saw a guy in airport security take off his flip flops, walk with his disgusting bare feet 🦶 to a recycling bin, pull down his mask, and spit tobacco juice into the recycling bin. Yum.
“Rules are rules” they told sha’carri
You’d think with all that money Jeff Bezos would get his fucked up face fixed. Jesus…
I’ve had two therapists in my life and they both “moved”
I heard it was bad if your piss looks like Coke but no word yet on Baja blast
Not many people know this about me but I’m actually a professional golfer and a liar. you stupid idiot I’ve never golfed in my life
Did you know Sir Isaac Newton went by his middle name? His real first name was fig
You know u smoke too much weed when u forgot to smoke weed
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