Constipated Guy
@constipatedguy
News updates and thoughts from a man who has trouble taking a shit
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Just watched an interesting documentary. Didn't realize shitting was invented by Ben Franklin as a way of prolonging erections.
I can't take a shit of my own so I would like to adopt a Chinese shit.
Celebrity I'd most like to take a shit with, living or dead: Crystal Bowersox.
What I wouldn't give to be able to shit under the mistletoe.
I'm just going to stand near a shit I found outside and hope people think it's mine.
The closest I've come to dropping a deuce is pissing a jelly.
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a great book to read, when I'm sitting on the toilet, pissing.
Just emptied my septic tank. 4,000 gallons of 100% piss.
I read that Sting said he can shit for up to 8 hours at a time.
Sorry to take 3 months off twittering. I was trying to take a shit. Didn't happen.
New Beatles rock band is so realistic you can watch Yoko Ono shit with the door open.
LA wild fires are so bad, officials are now urging people to shit indoors.
I wish Obama would offer America $5 everytime someone took a shit.
I talked to a therapist about my problem. She seemed to think it stems from the fact that my Dad would beat me while he shit.
Might as well replace all the toilets in my house with urinals.
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