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Mike Piper

@cryclops

The top of the salt shaker just fell off as I was salting my soup.,


While having a leisurely walk through the park I got pickle balled in the groin, so that’s a thing now..


Tried to toss out half a bagel and the wind blew the paper right into a baby’s carriage…


A girl I just ran into said she was gonna text me last week but forgot..


My pants just completely fell down in front of a whole family while I was taking out the trash…


A car ran over half of my sandwich…


I be had the hiccups for over 12 hours…


I fell into a garbage can…


My pants just fell down at a fairly crowded store while I was trying to grab something from the top shelf…


My hat exploded…


i left my phone in the cab..


Left a whole pizza in the taxicab…


I just somehow elbowed myself in the hipbone..!


My pants fell down at TSA…


It’s so hot out that I had to shave my face…


Mariokart is too fast these days...


Just duct—taped my shoe back together after stepping on a yard flamingo at work..


My stomach just made the sound of a rooster at daybreak...


My shoelace just exploded...


Tried to tweet something but typed it in search accidentally and am two mad to redo it.


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